Saturday, January 07, 2012

A Fat Ladies Prayer

"Lord, my soul is ripped with riot.
Incited by this wicked diet.
'We are what we eat' said a wise old man; 
and Lord if that is true, I'm a garbage can.

I want to rise on judgement day, that's plain.
But on the present weight I'll need a crane.
So grant me strength, that I may not fall,
Into the clutches of cholesterol.
May my flesh of carrot-curls be sated,
That my soul be poly-unsaturated.

And show me the light, that I may bear witness 
To the Presidents council on Physical Fitness.
And a diet margarine I'll never mutter,
For the road to hell is spread with butter.
And cream is cursed; and cake just awful;
Satan is hiding in every waffle.
He's there too in every chocolate drop,
and Lucifer is a lollipop.

Give me this day my daily slice,
but cut it thin and toast it twice,
I beg upon my dimpled knees
deliver me from sugar tree's.
And when my days of trial are done
and my war on malted milk is won.
Let me stand with the heavenly throng;
In a shining robe...size 10 and long.
I can do it Lord if you show to me;
the virtues of lettuce and celery.

If you'll teach me the evil of mayonnaise;
the sinfulness of hollandaise; donuts, rolls and Oh me!
The cobbler, pie and pastry;
and crisp fried chicken from the South - 

from 1st Baptist Church recipe book, Hot Springs Arkansas

The Service of Dogs

     I have a soft spot for animals especially the personality of dogs. They're so earnest and open about their approach to life. Very little guile unless it is playful guile. A good influence for me to remind me to be loyal. This hasn't always been so because prior to my first dog in my 30's I had always been around cats.  Growing older I find that I probably will always have a dog and it will probably be medium to large sized.

     This afternoon a spurt of energy found me doing some un-landscaping in the backyard. Using chainsaw and circular saw I made changes in my view. This was exhausting and Coquetta was with me the whole time tied to her zip line. She does not much zipping but sits watching wildlife and snapping at flying insects. Finally I was exhausted and needed to sit down for a spell in a lawn chair.

     Across the creek is grassy access road for utility trucks and people frequently walk or jog the road.  Coquetta gave a 'woof' of warning and I cautioned her to be quiet as a cat and just sit and watch.  Along came a woman walking by herself with 2 large dogs on leads or so I thought.  The lead dog was a brown-tan Siberian Husky with its elegant articulated gait.  The next dog on leash was just as large maybe larger with an equally dense coat. It could possibly have been a Golden Retriever it just looked odd because its fur had been molting or trimmed but for sure it was lagging behind in order to keep track of scents on the ground.
Gone and out of sight they went not going quite as quickly as the husky wanted because the woman was not tall or one to fast-walk. 

     Out the corner of my left eye I saw some movement and about 50yards behind the woman and her dogs was what must have been her 3rd dog.  An ancient German Shepherd walking painfully slow, no leash, none needed.  It appeared to have a sway back. Shepherds have a hip dysplasia problem when getting older.  But the attitude of the dog was what just about brought a tear to my eye. Although moving slowly and falling so far behind, head hung tired low, its tail never stopped wagging as though it was still part of the pack.  Its whole life had been spent gamely contributing to the family as loyal playmate ready for adventure. In its mind it was all still there.  It had probably been the playmate of children that are now grown and living on their own.

     I hope I'm all still 'there' when my dog years get up there.  So I thank God for the encouragement that dogs give to us and for their loyal service.