Saturday, June 28, 2014

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?


Floating on the web - Faithfully representing the person's public personality.
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!
BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.
JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it's lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2014, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2014. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Just Thinking about Mass Murdering Gunfire


Being born comes with risks. In the cases of mass murders the risk of being killed by the people who were previously alive was 100%. The risks of dying by mass murder gun spree drop off precipitously by a number of factors, not the least of which is distance from the shooter or posessor of weapon with intent to kill. For example my chance of being murdered by Lanza was 0% because I'm in Florida.

All deaths could have been avoided if it had been known that A. a person with intent was  B. in possession of a gun and stopped before entering the target space. What does it take to know these factors? Nearly supernatural powers or supernatural powers. Powers that should have been in possession of the 1st target ie. his mother.


But his mother did not have those powers. Not only that but she was the gun owner which means that gun ownership does not guarentee survival. Who has supernatural powers to know both person of intent and 'in possession'? Well God for one. So where was God? The bible says God is omipresent. So for reason or reasons we do not understand God stood by and let those people in (all mass shootings) die without so much as intervening. Then what is God's mission if it is not to save lives? Suppose for a moment an atheist is correct that God does not exist. Then non-god has non-powers to not supernaturally intevene, people die and that's that and the suidcidal shooter escapes justice. Is the universe unfair in both instances? Who are we to say we are just dust?



Do you follow me? So let's say that we love justice and boy we sure wish that shooter was alive so we could drag him through town behind our trailer hitch for killing those children. But he isn't he killed himself and escaped justice (or the confrontation of a hopeless court case that would lead to his conviction). He judged himself and carried out the execution is that fair? Not entirely because we like justice and having people answerable. 

Now let's suppose that God exists and he loves justice. The bible says our God is a Just god, cursing those to infinity those who curse Him and loving to infinity those who love Him. If the children then are loved by God, and they are because the Bible tells us so, then they are in His presence. What of their murderer? You answer that.

So if the two ways of reducing your chances of death by mass-murdering gunfire are distance and removal of intent wouldn't it be in our best interest to promote beliefe in God?  That no matter how you try to hide you will be punished for your crimes for infinity? Infinity is longer than life in prison without chances of parole. Infinity is forever and ever and ever and when we are done with all the forevers then Amen!

Lastly, then there is a 3rd way to survive mass murdering gunfire and that is to be in possession of recognizable deadly force, such as a handgun.  Being threatening with a gun or firing a gun in defense has greater than 0% probability of reducing or avoiding deaths by mass murdering gunfire.  Ann Coulter's statistics prove this in her editorial piece titled "We Know How to Stop School Shootings".  So in conclusion I would say that promoting belief in God as inescapable avenger and deliverer of justice and allowing  the possession of deadly force, combined, should reduce death by mass murdering gunfire by a drastic amount.


Thursday, November 08, 2012

Lessons Learned from the Last Presidential Eleciton


My team lost in the November 6th, 2012 election.
     It was a beautiful night tonight in my neighborhood so I took the dog for a walk.  Its dark we have no street lights, cold for Florida, and the stars and clouds hung against a sky black as coal.  Once I thought of my title for this post then the points came easily, rudely and humorously.  In no particular order here is what I think I learned.


  1. Radio talk show hosts are not right 98.9% of the time.
  2. It would be good to re-read '1984' and 'Animal Farm' by George Orwell.
  3. Expressing your enthusiasm for a candidate and your opinions on Facebook is generally preaching to the choir; a waste of time.
  4. A dirty joke and a snide remark made by late night comedians about your candidate carries a lot of weight with Democrats.
  5. Christians that vote for an evil man are more apt to believe what he says and forgive him for what he does without noticing the candidate is a pathological liar.  
  6. Women on network TV news shows like The View illustrate the old proverb that "You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think."  A majority of voters find them believable and worthy sources of opinion.
  7. I underestimated the stupidity of way over half of the Americans, both living and dead, and non-citizens that voted.
  8. Having a Christian worldview and expressing it in order to convince others to not vote for Obama is like pouring the gasoline of conviction onto the flames of their own self-righteousness. A Christian worldview is a liability not an asset in discussions.
  9. Military veterans are not necessarily for a stronger America.  Like a pastor lead astray, highly respected veterans get bogged down in social issues.
  10. 1 Bald faced lie by a Democrat President carries more weight than 10 Islamic terrorist attacks covered by Fox News.
  11. Guiness Book of World Records needs to make an entry for the world's biggest mulligan.
  12. A majority of Americans don't care about providing full time jobs for others or about an infinite price increase on gasoline.  Transportation by foot and by moped are desireable options if free birth control is promised.
  13. Lucky 13 is: National defense and Israel are of minor importance when compared to his smile and if you don't think so you are a racist.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Benjamin Air Rifle

My mother (I'm in my 50's now) always told me to avoid crowds if possible.  People can snatch your wallet hit you over the head or push a needle into you and there's nothing you can do. So I am one aware individual.  Yes, even at Disney World.

Raised in the Ouachita mountains of Arkansas, a hunter and hand gun enthusiast it was part of home training to understand the tools known as guns.  I'm saying this to educate some.  Changing oil in a car, tying a fishing line, fixing a lawnmower, using a power saw and power drill, handling guns safely.  This was all proper home training right up there with loading the dishwasher and grilling hamburgers.  These were all part of the last remaining generation of parents that actually hunted for food (swamps and fields of southern Illinois) for their parents. The Steam age, pre/post WW2.

My parents were an intact family that loved one another and often went to church.  But we don't live in that perfect world do we?  So in my mind (and many many others) "Gun Control" means managing recoil on a 44caliber cap and ball revolver after a good target shot.  Gun control is assuming every gun in the closet has accidentally got a shell in the chamber when you take it out  and verifying the chamber is empty and verifying safety is 'on' anyway.

But we don't live in that perfect world anymore do we!  So gun control has become a euphemism for "Taking all guns away from everybody if possible."  I wasn't born yesterday don't try to BS me.
You probably don't know this but some air rifles are so powerful they can easily kill someone and I have one of them.  Gonna control that?  You probably don't know this but the US Coast Guard rules say that every boat should have a flare gun.  Any idea what a flare would do to someone if you fired it at them?  Did you know some flare guns will take a 410 gauge shotgun shell? Going to control that?

Did you know there are as many ways to kill someone as there are to love someone?  Love is a decision.  And if you added up all of the murders and all of the mass killings in American history it would be completely overshadowed and pale in comparison to the serial killing abortion industry, a constituency of the gun control lobby.

I know you get tired of hearing this but it just has to soak in:
"Guns don't kill people.  People kill people."  Let's state it differently:  "Knives don't kill people. People kill people."  Still another "Broken beer bottles don't kill people. People kill people." and another "Baseball bats don't kill people.  People kill people."

In conclusion: "You will never get my guns from me until you pry them from my cold dead fingers."

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Tired of Golf

  A publication I respect very highly got me started thinking about how much I tire of hearing about golf.  My bible study material, no less, anecdotally mentioned golf as in "When you are out with a friend playing golf...".   I've never played it, I know I would be awful and golf is all I've ever heard about.  I'm tired of the whole back slapping expensive foray into an artificial world of that Saxon obsession.  Is there not any other pastime besides golf?  Do I have to play to be considered normal?  Do I have to play to be considered 'in' and worthy of advancement?

It is the whole made up artificial world of expensive whacking sticks, white balls, preppy shirts, natty pants and shoes. Then you get suckered into paying fees and memberships and it isn't enough to just walk then its the golf cart.  Natty haircuts and the inevitable club scene I can only imagine because I've never been there.  Nobody in my families except my sister has even played golf.  Tiger Woods didn't change things for me.  So what? Just another prodigy athlete that endorses stuff and gets to make more money in 1 minute than I will in a lifetime.  It isn't about the money.  It is about the character of predictability.

You can only imagine my mind reeling as this Conservative reads that the person they call President of the United States has played his 100th round of golf in less than 4 years.  I am not counting, who cares.  This is what I want in a United States President- not golf.  Anything but more golfing.

This is what I want.
 I want a president who can sink an 8-ball with the cue stick behind his back. A custom pool cue. I want a president who can climb a rock face with pitons and a resin bag. Or a president who can beat a Russian at chess or split an arrow with another arrow. Or a president who likes guns and hunts jack-rabbits with a S&W 17 revolver and scope in Texas or Wyoming.  Then skins and cooks it over a fire made with weeds and wild sage...for fun.   Or I want a president who maybe has the uncanny ability to sit on a sidewalk and make a chalk mural of Impressionist paintings. A president who can take a performance bi-plane and fly it up into a hammerhead stall with an ABC news reporter in the back seat. I want a president who can speak 2 or 3 languages beside English and play a musical instrument.  A real man who trains his own dogs to herd animals, or pull a snow sled or guard his own life. I want a President with the common touch to take a backpack full of frisbees, his dog, and children to the park. He has to be a guy who wears a cross around his neck in public and may lead everyone in "God Bless America". Someone? Anyone?!

When this multi-faceted President goes to meetings with world leaders I want him to be unpredictable and hard to categorize.  I want him to be mistakenly interpreted as a little bit
nuts.   For example President Quigley goes to a meeting with Islamic nations, walks into the room wearing a yarmulke and says "This is my souvenir that I got the last time I toured Israel. I love it there!  So many stones told me that the God of the Jews is still in control of this old world.".  He should occasionally lose his cool, when needed, with liberals and raise his voice and, using a racial slur, counter them and call them "expletive" idiots then pound his fist and apologize.  Apologize by saying something like "The Lord isn't done with me yet just give me a minute."

Instead of a golf getaway I want a President who can be flown to a remote wilderness, in an Alaska autumn, then, with a parachute and some basic survival gear, step out of his helicopter telling everyone to pick him up at designated coordinates in 4 days.  Nothing but a back pack with a sleeping bag, a knife, a compass, gps, sidearm, flint fire starter, dry pack food, rope and a canteen.  After picking him up, demands to go into an inuit fishing village and play with children by making dolls out of pine needles and buttons from his clothing.  That's a man that would be respected.

We need a man in the Whitehouse that can fly to Russia to play a chess master and utterly lose.  Then smile and say "Jesus loves you but I don't." break out in laughter and bang the guy on the back and serve beer all around that was brewed in Texas. Then say 'okay before you ask me what we're doing in the Persian Gulf what are your plans for Syria and what do YOU think we are doing in the Persian Gulf?  Do the locals benefit from a Russian presence there?'

Or how about a man who, besides English,  speaks Spanish and Arabic  who has taken up the hobby of caring for and riding rescued horses from the nation.  Has built a paddock in Martha's Vineyard and rides and teaches dressage and riding skills to High School students.  When he speaks he thanks the Arabs for breeding the finest horses in the world and in Spanish thanks the Spaniards for bringing them to America.  But when news reporters flock around to find something unimportant to focus on and denigrate him with he chases them with rawhide whips in front of everyone and yells "I don't have enough fingers to tell you where you can stick those cameras."

A real renaissance man like Leone Battista Alberti is what we need.  Someone with a hobby like blacksmithing.  Goes to a forge right there on the grounds of the Whitehouse and with red hot iron and tongs and tools hammers out a filigree for the fence or knife blade for dignitaries.  We need someone who has been to law school and memorized the US Constitution and Bill of Rights but can be invited to jump onto  the stage with Joe Bonamassa and grab a guitar and practice a few riffs then ask Joe to teach him a new lick. 

That's my dream.  If we encourage young citizens to be like that, who develop into presidential candidates, our whole nation will be challenged to elevate itself as a united whole.